Club Sandwich Anyone?

My husband and I were in his mother’s room at the nursing home visiting with his father and the Director of a nursing agency that will provide home care for my mother-in-law when the call came in from the elementary school Principal. Seems the 8 year old got a bit carried away in art trying to recreate a Jackson Pollack masterpiece by shaking down some paints and making an enormous mess. That’s after he slammed down on a ketchup packet at lunch, which when released, found its way into the eye of a classmate…not his best day….As I stood there listening to the call, I just kept thinking, please, please don’t ask me to come and get him…I need to be with my hubby and his parents right now..

Our little grand guy is 8 years old, and my husband’s parents will both turn 95 this year so we we are most officially members of the club sandwich generation. A sandwich generation is defined as taking care of your parents and children at the same time, a club sandwich just means you’ve added an extra layer of another generation to the mix.

I am blessed to belong to a family where there is so much love and respect for my in-laws. Together they raised three sons, who produced 5 sons and they now they have 3 great grands, and thankfully 92 years after my mother-in-law was born, one of the great grands was a girl!  They will celebrate their 73rd wedding anniversary in June. They’ve had an amazing life together, in retirement they traveled throughout the USA in their Road trek and joined active travel groups to see sights around the world. They were always very active, hiking, birding, walking, volunteering, and making new friends along the way.

Currently they both reside in a local Continuing Care Retirement Community, with mom living in a nursing home and dad residing in an independent apartment. Our current plan is to spring mom from the nursing home and put her in her own place with a full time care taker.  It’s been quite an ordeal working through all the options, but in the end, she’ll gain back some of her independence which will in turn make her happy. Her wants are small, she wants the option of having a poached egg for breakfast, an occasional bowl of fresh steamed clams and sleeping in until she wakes on her own and not being aroused when it’s convenient for the staff. We hope by her 95th birthday in April, she’ll be all settled in her new place.

We have to look at this time in our life as our time to give back.  My husbands parents and my parents were the type of folks that always had time for their children and grandchildren. One thing my husband and I had in common walking into our second marriage was the incredible bond our children had with our parents. That’s the type of bond, the legacy we hope we leave with our children and grands.

In the meantime, we’ll find the joy in caring for the oldest and youngest members of our family, taking each day as it comes, the good and some…..well, let’s just say we’ve banned ketchup packets from the house!




3 thoughts on “Club Sandwich Anyone?

  1. My friend, it’s tempting to write some overworked platitude about your situation, but I just want to say that I deeply admire your commitment to all your family members and the grace and dignity with which you do all you are called on to do. God bless you and all of the extended Keay/Grace/Stanley, (etc. etc.) family.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I always get so much out of your blogs,Pat! I’ll read again and again, and take away something a bit different each time!❤️

    Sent from my iPad


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wonderful, Pat.  You made me laugh – our little cat is looking at me strangely.    You are really fortunate to have both Jeff’s parents and your Dad on the scene.  This is actually the 47th anniversary of the day we got a phone call saying my Dad had unexpectedly passed away from a stroke.  He had been out paying his bills, walked into the house and my aunt announced that dinner was just about ready.  He turned around to hang up his coat, collapsed and died immediately.  It changed our whole world.  He was 65.  Nevertheless, time marches on. It sounds as if it was a good idea to ban ketchup – the things that happen to kids.  You never know – the  most innocent thing can turn into a disaster.   Hang in there. Take care,Ann 


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